Press Start to Play by Wilson Daniel H. & Adams John Joseph

Author:Wilson, Daniel H. & Adams, John Joseph
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group
Published: 2015-08-17T16:00:00+00:00

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning…

Good morning, Agent @bc@x1vvYz%#1$…

—

You enter the Visitors’ Garden at the base of the Palace of Heaven.

You step between two elephants in a topiary hedge.

You twist a sprinkler counterclockwise.

You enter a secret passage.

You enter a secret elevator.

You take the elevator to the Penthouse.

You step behind a column.

You intercept a patrolling ninja and strangle him with his own poisoned garrote.

You don the ninja’s stylish hooded filter mask.

You lob the ninja’s full complement of toxin bombs down the corridor.

You liberate a sword from a dead GMO-samurai.

You enter a security ring and decapitate the controllers.

You power down the Emperor’s Robot Escort.

You step in the Emperor’s Suite.

You step on the Emperor’s marmoset.

You kill the Emperor.

Congratulations!

The Resistance is victorious!

Imagine reading these victory messages In Real Life!

To be clear, you have not actually assassinated the Emperor IRL. This has been a simulation, meant to train you (and all your predecessors) in some of the challenges you can expect to face as we attempt to assassinate the Emperor. As previously disclosed, the Resistance has been left with virtually no resources—not even virtual ones. Once, in our glorious past, we possessed state-of-the-art simulators that allowed our finest killers to develop their skills against a believably responsive set of dynamic, procedurally generated foes. But such simulators are expensive, enormous, and require the kind of technological infrastructure that the Resistance can no longer maintain in its current impoverished state. Once, in our glorious past, we created digital scenarios so convincing that would-be assassins would often complete a training session only to discover that they had assassinated not a virtual enemy but a real one! Sadly, this glorious past of ours is now ingloriously in the past. We retain but the one laptop, a few solar panels, a rack of batteries, and the recalcitrant wooden wheel of the Old Mill.

We are aware that—the assassin gossip network being what it is—you probably believed that by running through this primitive simulator, you were actually engaged in assassinating the Emperor. Naturally we regret to disappoint you, just as we have disappointed all the trainees before you, from Agent @ onward.

On the other hand, you have one advantage not enjoyed by previous trainees: you are still alive. While victory in the simulator is ephemeral, defeat is quite real. We have remained steadfast and true to our code. As educators of killing machines, we insist that death be lethal. (Assassin death, that is. No guard dogs or ninjas were harmed by you in the apparent execution of your simulated duties.)

So take this moment to relax and enjoy being alive. But keep in mind that the Emperor, a greater threat than ever, still awaits.

Also please note that due to inadequate network access and a resulting inability to download patches, all floor plans, shortcuts, and hazards represented in the simulation you have just survived may bear no resemblance to conditions in the actual Palace of Heaven. To name but one example, the Visitors’ Garden was removed four years ago, due to its vulnerability to assassins.

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